So when I first had Madison, I went out to lunch with an old friend, baby with me. Madison usually ended up being the centerpiece at a table in her little travel carseat (which was blue and yellow so I constantly had people telling me what a handsome little boy I had). And I remember being there at this lunch and... not much of importance was talked about but they said one thing to me that highly offended me then and has stuck with me to this day... lingering in my mind like a virus.
"Motherhood strips your entire sense of identity."
Yup, me. I was 23, a brand new mother and only a few months in at such a young age apparently I was stripped of all identity. And being told it bluntly to my face none the less. Maybe my sense of style (though I never had much of one) had gone down the drain in favor of spit-up stained shirts and stretch pants. Any free moment I used to once spend with friends now spent asleep or enjoying some much wanted and needed silence. To this day I often enjoy my time spent alone and rarely get out to see friends, feeling more awkward in a crowd than comfortable. I was alone back then... no friends or comrades that were experiencing the same thing as me. And that was my choice... I wanted to be a young mother. I wanted to have all of my children before I hit 30. But still. ... My identity was stripped?
The past two nights I've been up all night long sitting at my TV watching Dr. Who. Imagining a life of excitement in the universe. The show is amazing (despite the fact I hate Martha) and I can't get enough of it. While Madison is out and Lily is distracted today I might even get an episode or two in. So... in a lot of these episodes they're gone one night- have a lifetime of adventures and can pop back into reality the next day. If... somehow a british alien Doctor came into NJ and swept me off my feet, taking me to travel the universe... I could leave the kids and husband for one night and go see so many things. Come back after having the time of my life... get right back to work... could I?
Could I leave for that long? Sure it's only seconds to them, but... I'd miss them all so much. Maybe a daytrip here and there would be fun to unwind, but actually picking up and living a different life... even if no one would ever know.
I -love- the life I've chosen for myself. Maybe I'm not nearly as fun as I used to be, but I'm starting to finally find people that like and appreciate me for what I've become. I can tell someone 'long day- exhausted' despite the fact that I hardly even left the house and they get it. Do I sometimes dream about a life where I can... be in tons of pictures on facebook of me hugging my insanely huge group of friends... or eating at some exotic restaurant in another country (or another time)... of course I do. But- ... even if no one would ever be the wiser, I couldn't give all this up. I'd miss it too much.
So, maybe I'm not fun anymore and all I've got interesting going for me are intense Dr. Who marathons and awesome Sunday evenings spent with the few friends from my past I've got left- but fuck it. It's awesome. I haven't lost a thing. I get to see my girls grow and watch them climb every little hill. And when they're all grown up and don't have time for me anymore? Well- hey. I'll be much younger than anyone else when they're at that stage. And it'll never be too late to start having my adventures.
And yet- despite the fact I know I love my life and things won't always be like this... it still lingers. "Motherhood strips all sense of identity." I'll still have my days where I feel like I'm missing out. I think most of my blog entries are about it. ... Even unposted ones that are in my 'private' folder (I haven't been completely inactive, just no one needs to see me whine and complain). ... so I guess those are the days where Mike yells at me for staying up until 4:30 in the morning watching a new show. Excitement is few and far between sometimes. Gotta take it where I can get it. :)
Monday, October 15
Tuesday, May 15
On Letting Your Freak Flag Fly
There were so many things I had waited for when I was younger. "When I turn eighteen..." Since that was the age, right? The age where you can do it all? I still wasn't a woman when I was eighteen. I wasn't my own person. I didn't start to hit that until recently. I do what I think is beautiful and if someone doesn't like it... I fail to see how that's my problem. I had a friend back then that I unfortunately don't speak to much anymore, but I remember him and I would talk about all of the things I wanted to do. We were on AOL chat and I was upset that I had bought a pair of neon pink leopard print pants and my mother was insanely against them. They looked good on me, but they were 'weird' and therefore, I wasn't allowed to wear them. I remember he said to me, "Scoobs- I can't wait until you turn eighteen." I was supposed to transform into the punk rock awesome tatted pierced thing that I'm starting to turn into today. And no- I'm not just getting a bunch of shit on me for the hell of it. I get what's important. I've been itching for some more ink, but without the perfect idea I won't touch it. It took me almost ten years after my eighteenth birthday to gather the courage to finally pierce my nose, something I wanted to do since I was twelve.
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| Meda, my leading lady of 13 years. |
But I want balance- at the same time I don't want them to think that just because I'm not 'normal' they can't do typical things. They wanna... be cheerleaders, or sports players or... popular girls. Go for it. Just be kind, be truthful and be awesome. I have this... vision in my head of how I want my relationship to be with my girls and it seems extremely hard and probably unattainable, but I'm going to damn well try to find the perfect balance between being their parent and being their friend... and meanwhile, supporting them without driving them to snort coke. Is this possible? I hope so.
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."
-Dr. Seuss
Monday, April 2
On Jerking Off Reindeers
Since people seemed to like the story of my awkward childhood first kiss, I figured I'd dig up another little gem from my past and share that story too. It's a story I never really shared with people, since at the time I probably could have gotten in a lot of trouble with the police. This one is staring my lovely departed friend Hallie. We used to do some dumb things in our time.
We were in highschool and sitting downtown at the clock, a place where many of the 'delinquents' would frequent after school/into the night. It was near Christmas, so the town had a reindeer and sled display out where people could sit and take pictures. Hallie and I got a kick out of the 'Please keep off the reindeer' sign that they had next to it. ... So amused by it that it was up to us to make the sign even better.
We waited for our parents to go to sleep that night and at about two in the morning on a school night, the two of us snuck out of our houses and took a little walk downtown. We went, took the sign and brought it back to her house where we would alter it. The word 'keep' was whited out and replaced with the word 'jerk' and then we'd go back downtown and put the sign back where it was and leave. The next day after school we'd casually walk downtown and sit at the clock watching people walk by. One by one everyone hanging out would start to notice that the sign was changed to "Please Jerk Off the Reindeer" and it became the funniest thing of the day. Eventually, the police would come and break up the scene around the sign and take it away only to return it later on with the white-off chipped off so that it wasn't asking people to jerk off the reindeer anymore.
The next night, being the dumb kids we were, we went and did it again. We were probably really lucky that we weren't caught. We even took pictures of us squatting by the sign giving a thumbs up laughing our butts off. She had the pictures though, so I can't exactly put one on here. They're in her photo albums, I'd have to go ask her mother if I could copy one. I could have sworn that I had one around somewhere. I'll look for it and share it if I ever find it.
... Hallie and I used to do lots of dumb things, but it was always super fun and awesomely hilarious.
We were in highschool and sitting downtown at the clock, a place where many of the 'delinquents' would frequent after school/into the night. It was near Christmas, so the town had a reindeer and sled display out where people could sit and take pictures. Hallie and I got a kick out of the 'Please keep off the reindeer' sign that they had next to it. ... So amused by it that it was up to us to make the sign even better.
We waited for our parents to go to sleep that night and at about two in the morning on a school night, the two of us snuck out of our houses and took a little walk downtown. We went, took the sign and brought it back to her house where we would alter it. The word 'keep' was whited out and replaced with the word 'jerk' and then we'd go back downtown and put the sign back where it was and leave. The next day after school we'd casually walk downtown and sit at the clock watching people walk by. One by one everyone hanging out would start to notice that the sign was changed to "Please Jerk Off the Reindeer" and it became the funniest thing of the day. Eventually, the police would come and break up the scene around the sign and take it away only to return it later on with the white-off chipped off so that it wasn't asking people to jerk off the reindeer anymore.
The next night, being the dumb kids we were, we went and did it again. We were probably really lucky that we weren't caught. We even took pictures of us squatting by the sign giving a thumbs up laughing our butts off. She had the pictures though, so I can't exactly put one on here. They're in her photo albums, I'd have to go ask her mother if I could copy one. I could have sworn that I had one around somewhere. I'll look for it and share it if I ever find it.
... Hallie and I used to do lots of dumb things, but it was always super fun and awesomely hilarious.
Sunday, April 1
On First Kisses
So, I was at Target and I was walking in the parking lot with Madison when I saw the guy that was my first kiss walking the opposite way into the store. I lifted my hand to give a friendly wave hello, but he didn't see me or recognize me. One of the two. Or he did and was like, "UGH, I REMEMBER WHEN YOU DUMPED ME ON YOM KIPPOR!" I'm sorry! I forgot you were jewish and didn't realize that's why we didn't have school!
Let's talk about my first kiss.
It was a Friday evening. Seventh grade. Middle School! We were at Lincoln School at the REC center for Friday Night activities. The people that ran REC were kind of dumb... the first week and they never explained the rules to us, so they just kept kicking people out on first offences instead of actually telling us what we were and weren't allowed to do. So eventually, the entire seventh grade class was just standing outside in the parking lot waiting for our parents to show up and take us home. Two girls I didn't really know yet came up to me and asked if I was interested in kissing someone. I wasn't, but they didn't really seem to care and went and grabbed this guy K.B. (#1) from our class and was like, "Here! She wants to make out with somebody!" I didn't- and when he started beckoning for me to follow him behind a car I didn't follow him. That was kinda grody! Just making out with someone I didn't know? And I hadn't yet- so that was even crazier!
The girls came back, "Oh, so he's not your type? Hmm..." They disappeared again and soon enough J.H. was brought over and shoved at me. He had a charming smile even for being so young and asked, "So, I heard you wanted to make out." I opened my mouth to start to tell him no when all of the sudden next thing I knew he was on my face and his tongue was in my mouth. I was dipped back, arms flailing as he did this and I had no clue what to do so I just kind of went with it. Next thing I know I hear, "LINDSEY SCHOONMAKER IS MAKING OUT WITH J.H.!!!" (screamed by the lovely M.T.). So, -everyone- in the seventh grade class turned to watch. Lovely. I was so embarassed. I remember T.S. cheering for joy. He was my childhood crush and he had NO interest in me. I was finally over him, it seemed.
It must not have been that bad though because he asked me if I wanted to again and I said ok and went for it. We dated for a solid two weeks and four days after that. Until... for absolutely no reason I came to the conclusion that he was not the one for me and had a friend call him on our day off from school to break his seventh grade heart on my behalf. I always felt bad about that. (Sorry J., if you ever read this.) Shortly after that I dated K.B. (#2), and then when he broke up with me because (and I quote) I'm "too weird" (No hard feelings!) my date-ability just went downhill. That might be when I transitioned from being a 'cool kid' to a 'nerd.'
... Interesting story, eh? I wish I remembered who the girls were. A blonde and a brunette. Maybe they'd know. ... I doubt it- haha. Funny how people probably don't even realize the part they played in stories that stick with you your whole life.
Let's talk about my first kiss.
It was a Friday evening. Seventh grade. Middle School! We were at Lincoln School at the REC center for Friday Night activities. The people that ran REC were kind of dumb... the first week and they never explained the rules to us, so they just kept kicking people out on first offences instead of actually telling us what we were and weren't allowed to do. So eventually, the entire seventh grade class was just standing outside in the parking lot waiting for our parents to show up and take us home. Two girls I didn't really know yet came up to me and asked if I was interested in kissing someone. I wasn't, but they didn't really seem to care and went and grabbed this guy K.B. (#1) from our class and was like, "Here! She wants to make out with somebody!" I didn't- and when he started beckoning for me to follow him behind a car I didn't follow him. That was kinda grody! Just making out with someone I didn't know? And I hadn't yet- so that was even crazier!
The girls came back, "Oh, so he's not your type? Hmm..." They disappeared again and soon enough J.H. was brought over and shoved at me. He had a charming smile even for being so young and asked, "So, I heard you wanted to make out." I opened my mouth to start to tell him no when all of the sudden next thing I knew he was on my face and his tongue was in my mouth. I was dipped back, arms flailing as he did this and I had no clue what to do so I just kind of went with it. Next thing I know I hear, "LINDSEY SCHOONMAKER IS MAKING OUT WITH J.H.!!!" (screamed by the lovely M.T.). So, -everyone- in the seventh grade class turned to watch. Lovely. I was so embarassed. I remember T.S. cheering for joy. He was my childhood crush and he had NO interest in me. I was finally over him, it seemed.
It must not have been that bad though because he asked me if I wanted to again and I said ok and went for it. We dated for a solid two weeks and four days after that. Until... for absolutely no reason I came to the conclusion that he was not the one for me and had a friend call him on our day off from school to break his seventh grade heart on my behalf. I always felt bad about that. (Sorry J., if you ever read this.) Shortly after that I dated K.B. (#2), and then when he broke up with me because (and I quote) I'm "too weird" (No hard feelings!) my date-ability just went downhill. That might be when I transitioned from being a 'cool kid' to a 'nerd.'
... Interesting story, eh? I wish I remembered who the girls were. A blonde and a brunette. Maybe they'd know. ... I doubt it- haha. Funny how people probably don't even realize the part they played in stories that stick with you your whole life.
Friday, March 30
On New Things.
So, yesterday I took Madison to the child neurologist to see if they'd have anything to say about her behaviors. So far we are pretty sure she'll have an ADHD diagnosis with inattention when she's older, likely with Auditory Processing, but they can't really give her any official diagnosis until she's older with that. They wrote up a form with things for her IEP so that she can keep as many services as she can. So far it looks like she's losing speech. She passed with flying colors.
The doctor also told me to start giving Madison melatonin at night since Madison doesn't go to bed until 12 usually, despite our efforts to get her to sleep earlier. She lives on about 3 hours of sleep which isn't very healthy at all. We started giving her the melatonin and now she's falling asleep by 8:30 and sleeping through the night. Our bed has been Madisonless in the morning. It's kind of fantastic. Good stuff!!
I'm very excited for next Saturday. Mike and I are going out on our first REAL date since... likely well before Lily was born. Our first entire night out since we went to a wedding... uhh. August in 2010. So... yeah. It's about time. Not that I don't ever want to go out, but... well. I don't get asked to leave my house a lot and Mike and I haven't ever used a babysitter so I'm nervous about it.
I started a new blog and a new diet. You guys should head over to www.2fatties1rack.com to check it out. The URL is creepy, but it's not a bad site! I swear. :)
Ok- I was going to blog more, but I just realized I have 20 minutes to get in the car so I can be at personal training on time. ... Let's see if I'm getting two children and myself ready in 20 minutes.
The doctor also told me to start giving Madison melatonin at night since Madison doesn't go to bed until 12 usually, despite our efforts to get her to sleep earlier. She lives on about 3 hours of sleep which isn't very healthy at all. We started giving her the melatonin and now she's falling asleep by 8:30 and sleeping through the night. Our bed has been Madisonless in the morning. It's kind of fantastic. Good stuff!!
I'm very excited for next Saturday. Mike and I are going out on our first REAL date since... likely well before Lily was born. Our first entire night out since we went to a wedding... uhh. August in 2010. So... yeah. It's about time. Not that I don't ever want to go out, but... well. I don't get asked to leave my house a lot and Mike and I haven't ever used a babysitter so I'm nervous about it.
I started a new blog and a new diet. You guys should head over to www.2fatties1rack.com to check it out. The URL is creepy, but it's not a bad site! I swear. :)
Ok- I was going to blog more, but I just realized I have 20 minutes to get in the car so I can be at personal training on time. ... Let's see if I'm getting two children and myself ready in 20 minutes.
Thursday, March 15
On learning and working.
This blog is annoying to write today since my laptop was covered with a blanket by my cleaning ladies and now it's making this loud WHIIIIIIIR noise and lagging like mad. Something in it overheated. Sending it in to get repaired tonight but in the meantime, I'll write this dealing with the lag. (I'm desperate to be connected!)
So I was just sitting here watching Lily become fascinated with this little leapster learn and grow table that we bought Madison for Christmas a few years ago. Madison back then didn't see any use for the table other than climbing and standing on it to further injure her already delayed brainmeats as she tumbled down. Lily on the other hand carefully looks at each component of the table and plays with it, getting very excited when she discovers something new that it can do. Lily has already passed many of Madison's 'baby milestones' and it's just really interesting to see how she differs. Madison was more... movement oriented. Walked early, was able to climb and jump and do all sorts of crazy physical things at a very young age. While Lily still refuses to walk, her vocabulary (while still limited) is much further than Madison's was at this point. And the fact that she's actually interested in the table for its purpose is awesome to me. Who know that kids actually used these educational toys in the purpose that they were meant to be used?
I on the other hand have been making NO progress with anything that I'm supposed to be doing. My laptop has been out of commission for about a week now other than logging on to blog when I get desperate, but anything else I attempt to do on it just makes me mad and I give up. I'm supposed to be writing a blog article for Quirk Books, but I haven't even started any serious work on it other than my notes. It's hard with no computer. I could use Mike's but that requires leaving my children alone and I don't like to do that in favor of using the computer. Not sure if I'm being weird about that.
Anyway- in hindsight my time while Madison was at school probably would have been better spent with my eyes closed taking a nap, but Lily didn't nap so I'm sure maybe I can get away with taking one when we get home. I love falling asleep to the sweet sound of people doing our lawn for us because we aren't THAT domestic and fail at doing it ourselves. Today is a cold day, but a good day. Yes, yes a good day.
I on the other hand have been making NO progress with anything that I'm supposed to be doing. My laptop has been out of commission for about a week now other than logging on to blog when I get desperate, but anything else I attempt to do on it just makes me mad and I give up. I'm supposed to be writing a blog article for Quirk Books, but I haven't even started any serious work on it other than my notes. It's hard with no computer. I could use Mike's but that requires leaving my children alone and I don't like to do that in favor of using the computer. Not sure if I'm being weird about that.
Anyway- in hindsight my time while Madison was at school probably would have been better spent with my eyes closed taking a nap, but Lily didn't nap so I'm sure maybe I can get away with taking one when we get home. I love falling asleep to the sweet sound of people doing our lawn for us because we aren't THAT domestic and fail at doing it ourselves. Today is a cold day, but a good day. Yes, yes a good day.
Monday, March 12
On Starting Early.
I see on facebook a lot now a days that people are just now getting engaged, married, having kids. Mike and I already have a four and one year old.
I think about these crazy weddings that people throw. I'm not hating on the crazy wedding. I'm somewhat jealous in my own little way because my husband and I decided to keep things modest and not have a circus for our special day. Sometimes I just wish people would have taken us more seriously. No bridal shower with gifts of kitchen appliances or anything. I never even registered everywhere. Which... was actually great. My wedding was about me being happy with getting married- not wondering what plates we were going to be gifted with. Of course I was told because we had a small wedding, we'd have a big housewarming party the first time we bought a house, but I'm still waiting for that, haha. We've been here two years. At this point, we got what we need. No engagement party. No one gave a shit that we got engaged when we were nineteen. No pictures or newspaper announcements. Our kids weren't baptized so no extra parties for them.
I never even asked for these sorts of parties or wanted these sorts of parties. I don't care about the gifts. I don't want the gifts. But- at times... it feels like because I wasn't a bridezilla, or wasn't wanting to have anything flashy, or even because we were so young no one really took us seriously. We didn't rent grand halls to celebrate things. We just lived simply. And I think because of this friends fell out of touch because their lives were still in 'party mode' and I was pregnant with Madison three months after we got married. Honestly? I had a lot of friends at the time. Little to none of them gave a crap that I was having a baby and just... disappeared. One even told their mother (which was relayed to my mother later on) that I wasn't any fun anymore. Apologies for not wanting to show up at a bar pregnant. That's just tacky.
People just seem to get more love an acceptance now over these 'big life events' because... well honestly, lots of people have matured. While our events went hardly noted and quite honestly, even 'dissed' in private. We have a beautiful life right now and I wouldn't change a thing, but it's hard to admit that I do get jealous of the raving that others seem to get now that they're starting to catch up, like it's more socially acceptable now to be happy that someone is settling down whether it be by having a kid, or getting married. No one really raved for me, which was fine becuase I was still just as happy. Just now thinking back- it's kind of a bummer sometimes.
I think about these crazy weddings that people throw. I'm not hating on the crazy wedding. I'm somewhat jealous in my own little way because my husband and I decided to keep things modest and not have a circus for our special day. Sometimes I just wish people would have taken us more seriously. No bridal shower with gifts of kitchen appliances or anything. I never even registered everywhere. Which... was actually great. My wedding was about me being happy with getting married- not wondering what plates we were going to be gifted with. Of course I was told because we had a small wedding, we'd have a big housewarming party the first time we bought a house, but I'm still waiting for that, haha. We've been here two years. At this point, we got what we need. No engagement party. No one gave a shit that we got engaged when we were nineteen. No pictures or newspaper announcements. Our kids weren't baptized so no extra parties for them.
I never even asked for these sorts of parties or wanted these sorts of parties. I don't care about the gifts. I don't want the gifts. But- at times... it feels like because I wasn't a bridezilla, or wasn't wanting to have anything flashy, or even because we were so young no one really took us seriously. We didn't rent grand halls to celebrate things. We just lived simply. And I think because of this friends fell out of touch because their lives were still in 'party mode' and I was pregnant with Madison three months after we got married. Honestly? I had a lot of friends at the time. Little to none of them gave a crap that I was having a baby and just... disappeared. One even told their mother (which was relayed to my mother later on) that I wasn't any fun anymore. Apologies for not wanting to show up at a bar pregnant. That's just tacky.
People just seem to get more love an acceptance now over these 'big life events' because... well honestly, lots of people have matured. While our events went hardly noted and quite honestly, even 'dissed' in private. We have a beautiful life right now and I wouldn't change a thing, but it's hard to admit that I do get jealous of the raving that others seem to get now that they're starting to catch up, like it's more socially acceptable now to be happy that someone is settling down whether it be by having a kid, or getting married. No one really raved for me, which was fine becuase I was still just as happy. Just now thinking back- it's kind of a bummer sometimes.
Friday, February 17
On Not Blogging...
So the past two weeks I've either been sick or been dealing with lots of sick people. First Madison got sick, which was no big deal. ... Until Lily got it. And Mike was away on a business trip and so I had to deal with the two of them being sick all week. And -then- when Mike finally got home he got sick within 12 hours of walking through the door. So then I had to deal with the girls myself more after already having gone crazy and slept every possible second I could. Today is the first day where I actually have energy to think of something other than wanting to sleep, and... gotta be honest, I think I'd rather be napping.
I have so many projects I'd like to start, or projects I'd like to finish and I don't really do much of anything at all. Maybe one of these days I'll get my shit together and actually go through with all of the things I promised myself that I was going to do, like get back into this blogging and start taking more pictures.
This weekend we're going out to Long Island for my father-in-law's birthday. I'm hoping that one of the nights that we're there we can go out and do something. It's been awhile since the two of us have had a child-free night out of the house. ... actually, I think it's been over a year since we've had a child-free night out of the house. We don't get out much. I'm looking up movies and the only one that looks interesting at all is This Means War. Got great reviews from people that saw it, but horrible reviews from critics. At this point I'd sit through War and Peace on the big screen to have a moment out of the house with nothing to think about other than the story.
Been really into roleplaying in what free time I do have recently. I find that the text based RP keeps my creative self going and helps me interact, which I don't do often with the kids all day- especially when they're both home sick for a week. Helps me cope with the fact that I'm a slave to youngin's.
You know what I can't wait to do some day? ... Sleep.
That'll be the best day of my life.
Here's a video of Lily being adorable.
I have so many projects I'd like to start, or projects I'd like to finish and I don't really do much of anything at all. Maybe one of these days I'll get my shit together and actually go through with all of the things I promised myself that I was going to do, like get back into this blogging and start taking more pictures.
This weekend we're going out to Long Island for my father-in-law's birthday. I'm hoping that one of the nights that we're there we can go out and do something. It's been awhile since the two of us have had a child-free night out of the house. ... actually, I think it's been over a year since we've had a child-free night out of the house. We don't get out much. I'm looking up movies and the only one that looks interesting at all is This Means War. Got great reviews from people that saw it, but horrible reviews from critics. At this point I'd sit through War and Peace on the big screen to have a moment out of the house with nothing to think about other than the story.
Been really into roleplaying in what free time I do have recently. I find that the text based RP keeps my creative self going and helps me interact, which I don't do often with the kids all day- especially when they're both home sick for a week. Helps me cope with the fact that I'm a slave to youngin's.
You know what I can't wait to do some day? ... Sleep.
That'll be the best day of my life.
Here's a video of Lily being adorable.
Saturday, February 4
On Tough Choices
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| Tali enjoying what little we have of the 'great outdoors' in our home. ... little does she know the plant is a fake! |
So, Scrappy goes in our room and we let her run around the house with Ramus. Scrappy hides in our room all day anyway. ... Scrappy is going to have to stay in there for weeks until they can get fixed. ... That's not fair to Scrappy.
So- this is when we have to make tough choices. Tali is -such- a purr/cuddle monster now that her scaredy cat brother isn't there to hold her back anymore. Even as I write this she's curled up in my lap purring away like a damn motorboat. Ramus has once again become unfamiliar with him and was hissing at the door earlier. I let him in so Scrappy could get some companionship. Ramus ate his food and left his 'mark of dominance' and that was that. I was not pleased. Ramus doesn't act like that with Tali at all.
So... I called the shelter. I'm going to be bringing him there so that he can get adopted out. I feel awful that I tried and couldn't get this cat to love us like we wanted to love him. I'm angry that Ramus lashes out the way he does at him and if Scrappy actually wanted to be with us and love us, I'd send the dominate jerk away. But, Ramus isn't like that with a female cat in the house and Scrappy isn't liking us at all, content to just sleep underneath a recliner all day. Tali's doing so much better now that he's not around... and he's just a sweet adorable little kitten. Never hurt anyone. Sweet when you can actually get him to let you near him. Just a kitten, but he's causing so many problems that we're forced to send him packing. Poor guy. It makes me feel terrible.
But, I look down at the sweet and purring Tali curled up in my lap at this late hour keeping me company and keeping me warm, and I appreciate the fact that for once I have a cat that's MINE and loves ME. Ramus is totally Mike's cat. And I know that some people might be reading this thinking, "GET RID OF THE FUCKING CATS!" But I LOVE cats. ... I love every kind of cat. (I'd be a lesbian for Debbie if she wasn't so obsessed with running...)
Tali's even good with the kids. She lets Madison pet her and doesn't get mad if Madison is rough and she even let Lily go after her earlier. Lily grabbed her a bit too hard and she didn't nip or anything, just walked away. Tali is a keeper. ... I love my little Tali. Her and her freakish handpaws.
... It's almost 3am. A pity that the one time I do get inspiration to write again, it's way past my bedtime and I shouldn't be awake.
Which also reminds me of...
Thursday, February 2
On nothing to say...
See? Already dropped the ball with my plan to blog on a daily/semi daily basis. It's been over a week since I last wrote, having nothing to say that was interesting at all. Though, I've been feeling particularly lazy and tired recently because I've been alone with the kids a lot. Mike's been traveling and there's only more traveling in his future, which is fine. I really don't mind, but by the end of the day after I'm done with the kids I just want to sit and do nothing but watch movies mindlessly. Haven't picked up a book, anything.
This is how interesting life has been: The most exciting I've got going for me is the fact that today I'm going to attempt to buy a few pairs of pants. I bought some a few months ago, but two were skinny jeans and... to be honest I'm kind of sick of skinny jeans. Just need a pair or two that have a flare leg.
I can tell, the detail into which I go into buying pants at Marshall's is making you randy.
This is how interesting life has been: The most exciting I've got going for me is the fact that today I'm going to attempt to buy a few pairs of pants. I bought some a few months ago, but two were skinny jeans and... to be honest I'm kind of sick of skinny jeans. Just need a pair or two that have a flare leg.
I can tell, the detail into which I go into buying pants at Marshall's is making you randy.
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